So, I've been doing some thinking lately. Life sucks. I've known this for a long time. I'm a pessimist. I've known this for awhile, too. Something I haven't really been able to believe, though, is that happiness is, at least partly, a choice.
I tend towards the negative side. It's just my natural attitude. And I don't remember very often to try to be happy. That's just a foreign concept to me--either I'm happy or I'm not. I've never been good at trying to be happy. But being in this play has taught me something.
I had a bad experience with the previous show. There was just too much stress involved and I wasn't enjoying it because I really have a hard time respecting the director. He's not very effective, and that put a lot of stress on me because I have this tendency to worry about stuff I don't have control over--like whether we'd get the whole show blocked before opening night. The same thing happened with this show. I almost quit because of it. The only reason I didn't was because said director--and my relatively few friends in the theatre group--are really persuasive.
I hated doing this show, pretty much up until opening night. The final rehearsal, the day before the first performance, was great, however. And I didn't really get why at first, until I figured out that I'd been trying to like the show, because I missed enjoying theatre.
And there's the kicker. Once I realized that trying to like it helped, I tried to enjoy the performances. Guess what? It worked. I'm in love with the theatre again, and if only for that reason, sticking with the show was totally worth it.
So, I'm not promising results, but from now on I'm going to try to look on the bright side of things. Like I said, doing so is unnatural for me. But maybe if I do it long enough, it'll become a habit. And maybe by doing so, I'll become funny, and reading my blog will be slightly more fun than porcupine juggling.
Huh. Somehow I thought that would be wittier. Oh, well...